Despite what Elon says on Twit­ter, this shirt will not make you (or like­ly your Cybertruck) resis­tant to small arms fire.


Lis­ten, I think it’s safe to say that by now, Tes­la’s pen­chant for corny stuff is well-known. Remem­ber fart mode, or that fake sub­ma­rine mode? Exact­ly. So it should come as no sur­prise that the Sil­i­con Val­ley EV com­pa­ny is now offer­ing a T‑shirt com­mem­o­rat­ing the time Franz von Holzhausen broke the Cybertruck­’s “bul­let­proof” win­dow with a big steel ball.

The T‑shirt is absurd­ly expen­sive at $45, but hey, it’s offi­cial Tes­la merch, and for some fans of the brand, there sim­ply is no sub­sti­tute. Tes­la boss Elon Musk even took to Twit­ter (as he is wont to do) to pro­mote the shirt with some wild­ly false claims about its abil­i­ties (sound famil­iar?). If that T‑shirt is a lit­tle too rich for your blood, there’s also a truck­er hat with a Cybertruck logo that could be mis­tak­en for some kind of roof­ing com­pa­ny logo. It’s only $30.

T‑shirt is bul­let­proof & makes u buff!

— Buff Mage (@elonmusk) Jan­u­ary 14, 2020

But hey, don’t think for a sec­ond that Tes­la is the only com­pa­ny cash­ing in on Cybertruck mania. For exam­ple, a com­pa­ny called Cus­tomBob­ble is now offer­ing a bob­ble­head fig­ure of Elon Musk rid­ing in a tiny Cybertruck. It’s even more heinous­ly- priced than the T‑shirt at over $130, but it seems as though the com­pa­ny will replace Elon’s head with one based on your own sub­mit­ted image, if you’re into that.

What if you want some boot­leg Cybertruck swag like cof­fee mugs, stick­ers, hood­ies or even a phone case? Well, the fine folks from the “CyberTruck Fan Club” on Etsy have you cov­ered. How about 3D-print­ed Cybertruck mod­els of vary­ing scale and dubi­ous qual­i­ty? Boom. Etsy’s got you again.

Etsy too niche for you? Fire up Ama­zon then, because it’s got you, my dudes. You can turn to Mr. Bezos’ won­der empo­ri­um for a Cybertruck beach tow­el or a very, very ugly hood­ie — both of which should nev­er be used, only hate-gift­ed to your ene­mies. How about a nov­el­ty park­ing sign that threat­ens to elec­tro­cute non-Cybertruck own­ers if they park in your spot? Of course, that’s avail­able, too.

At last, you can get your own (over­sized) mug on a cus­tom Tes­la Cybertruck bob­ble­head doll.

What about some­thing for your ears? Some­thing you can blast out of your Mod­el X with its fal­con doors up to let peo­ple know that you’re absolute­ly what­ev­er the Tes­la equiv­a­lent of a Jug­ga­lo is? Ama­zon Music and DJ Fitte are extreme­ly here for you with the appro­pri­ate­ly named song “Cybertruck.”

In any case, the point we’re try­ing to get at is that even though the wait for Tes­la’s Cybertruck might feel inter­minable, you’ve got tons of ways to spend your mon­ey that are angry stain­less steel doorstop-adja­cent in the mean­time, so don’t despair.

Tes­la Cybertruck is like noth­ing else 37 Pho­tos Now play­ing: Watch this: Tes­la Cybertruck: First ride in the pick­up of the future 5:25 More From Road­show 2020 Ram 1500 EcoDiesel review: The best full-size truck adds effi­cien­cy and capa­bil­i­ty 2019 Tes­la Mod­el S Long Range review: Famil­iar, yet oh so much bet­ter 2020 Kia Tel­luride review: Kia’s new SUV has big style and big­ger val­ue Car Cul­ture Elec­tric Cars Trucks Noti­fi­ca­tion on Noti­fi­ca­tion off Tes­la

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